Amber Heard & Johnny Depp

Ok so it's time for a rant™. TL;DR - Johnny Depp is an abusive piece of shit; the media is trying to justify it and it's disgusting; the media is being incredibly biphobic and it's disgusting; if you still stan Johnny Depp unfriend me bye.

1) Johnny Depp - Abuser - Career will be ok
Chris Brown - Abuser - Career is fine
Sean Penn - Abuser - Career is fine
Charlie Sheen - Abuser - Career better than ever
Kesha - Victim - Career ruined and taken away from her.

I'm quite frankly appalled and absolutely sick and tired of men in hollywood getting away with some horrific abuse towards partners while victims who speak out get completely ostracised. Why would any girl speak out when they see what's happening to kesha for speaking out? Why would any girl speak out when Amber Heard who has been granted a restraining order and has significant evidence submitted is being accused of lying by the media and general public? 

The media is running stories such as "Johnny Depp works a charity gala while Amber Heard goes to court"; "Amber Heard filed for divorce 2 days after Depp's mother passed away"; "Depp helps woman with hearing aid while Amber Heard breaks down in court". JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS A GOOD OUTWARD APPEARANCE DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN'T BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR PARTNER AT HOME. Just because you want to paint him as a saint doesn't mean that he didn't beat Amber Heard and mentally abuse her too. 

'But statistics say women lie about this stuff all the time', no they don't. The statistics are under 2% of reported rapes turn out to be false. And rape/domestic violence is one of the most underreported crimes out there because victims don't think they'll be taken seriously and what a surprise when this is how women in the media are treated for speaking out. 

It's not even just the physical abuse either, he stopped her seeing her friends who were also LGBT+ which is clear evidence of controlling behaviour. And that brings me nicely onto point 2.

2) WHAT IS WITH THE BIPHOBIA IN THE MEDIA - bi friends have mentioned it before but I didn't think it was that bad? Just because she's bi doesn't mean that she is 'greedy' and wanted to cheat on him with girls? Like someone who's bi can be in a monogamous heterosexual relationship? 

Bisexual doesn't mean "Person needs to be in relation w 2 ppl of different genders at the same time" it means "person can be attracted to ppl of different genders" like please? She's bi she had LGBT friends because surprise that's what the B in LGBT+ stands for and bc surprise a lot of ppl are LGBT+ and you probably have at least one friend who is. Just because she was bi and pictured w other women who were also LGBT+ doesn't automatically mean she wanted to bang them because she's bi. 

And like even if Johnny Depp is that insecure of a man that he was so worried about her cheating on him with a girl that doesn't justify abuse? And that is still what we should be focussing on? I don't understand why everyone is ostracising Amber Heard because she's bisexual instead of ostracising Johnny Depp because he's an abuser?

Self Diagnosis For Mental Health Is Important

(TL;DR - self diagnosis for mental health is important and I’m sick and tired of seeing people be negative about it and I will fight you if you disagree. Stop hating on self diagnosis because it’s really frigging important especially for young people and poc.)

Self-diagnosis is not a bad thing overall. It’s actually a very important thing to know that somethings wrong with you and actively seek to figure out what’s wrong with you.

Mental health is a really really tricky thing and unlike physical illness it’s something that only the person affected by it can see a lot of the time. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, etc etc are all things which require a self diagnosis before people can go and get help for them. (Or in the case of NPD a diagnosis from the people around the person with it who are affected and for them to take the decision to cut the person out of their life).

Also unfortunately actual diagnoses for mental health are hard to get. Especially in this country contrary to what some would believe. No medical professional would have diagnosed me with anxiety and they still don’t want to and are making me jump through all kinds of hoops to get help even though I’ve literally been hospitalised as a result of it on a drip several times now.

I know several people who clearly have eating disorders and body dysmorphia - which btw are both mental illnesses that manifest themselves in physical symptoms not the other way round - who won’t get the help they desperately need because their BMI isn’t under 13. They won’t even be acknowledged by ‘professionals’ as having an ED because their weight is not deathly low at which point it’s too late for them to get help because the mental illness has such a strong strong grip on them and they relapse again and again. More people who get diagnosed with ED’s die of them than people who are diagnosed of cancer.

Self diagnosis is so so important for so many reasons: 

1) People need to acknowledge somethings wrong before they can go get help because mental health is not as easy as “Oh you have spots all over you you have chickenpox” 

2) Some people can’t go and get a professional diagnosis. And that can be because if in america they can’t afford to. Or anywhere that they won’t get the support from their family to do so. Dismissing a young person’s mental health issues - usually POC tbh bc the older generation often doesn’t believe in mental illness - because they haven’t got a “real diagnosis” is so harmful? 

3) Official diagnoses are hard to come by unless you’re at rock bottom with mental health and are manifesting some severe physical symptoms as a result of them. 

4) Self diagnosis allows you to go to the doctor tell them what you think is wrong and allow them to check and see if it fits.

Stop hating on self diagnosis because it’s really frigging important especially for young people and poc.

I can accept that sometimes some people are like “oh yh i have depression” because they felt sad one time. But A) that’s not what depression is and they most likely are neurotypical. And B) most people who have a self diagnosis for mental health are either on the way to getting a professional diagnosis or are unable to and dismissing their mental illness because you don’t think people can tell when something’s wrong with their mental state is bs.

Organisation...I do try

I like to think I'm great at organising things - mainly because I am a strong believer in lists. Truth is I'm really really not.

So a few months ago I sent a panicked message to my bff and organisation/general 'how to have your life together' guru - Amy (obviously) - asking for help. It was a long rambly -probably sent at 2am - message like "ok I need a diary but I'm really bad with them and always feel like I'm not doing it properly if I miss a day here or there and I really like lists do you have any recommendations for me" and she introduced me to the world of Bullet Journals.

After a really long time of scrolling studyblrs and looking at all of the bullet journals and watching youtube videos and going to the site I thought I'd give it a shot....it lasted about 3 days oops.

BUT, I started my final year of uni at the beginning of October and realised I really need to get myself together. So I started my bullet journal again. And I've kept it up for a whole month!!!!

Ok, so this post isn't entirely about my achievements in starting to organise myself. I thought I'd add a few tips for anyone like me who desperately wants to be organised but just can't seem to keep it up.

1) Don't beat yourself up if you miss a day or two here and there.

2) I know a lot of studyblrs are against retrospective diaries but they work. If you struggle to list all the things you need to do during the day at the start of the day, put them into your journal as you do them or at the end of the day.

3) Make your daily list twice - I start each morning with writing all of the appointments and tasks I have for the day. At the end of the day I go back and add all of the things I got done that I hadn't originally put down.

4) My twist on the bullet journal - Every Monday I write down all of the things that I need to get done during the week. I know I won't finish them in the one day but I write them down. I then use a little arrow in the text box to indicate that it will continue into the next day. I then write the task down on the following day until I get it completely done.

5) Do a weekly check. Every Saturday morning sit down and go through your weeks journal and see that it's all been checked off and if it hasn't you have 2 days to complete it before the week is over.

6) This is most important for me - Make it pretty! 

I am simple but I am an enigma.

I’m an introvert, but I’m an extrovert.

I thrive in social situations, but I adore being alone.

I’m a listener, but I’m a talker

I’m a papergirl, but I’m a girl made of steel

I’m fiercely loyal, but I’m not afraid to let go.

I’m protective, but I need to be protected.

I’m fragile, but I’m unbreakable.

I’m brave, but I’m afraid.

I have a heart of gold, but a heart of stone.

I am a human and I am full of contradictions.

I am not made to fit in a box and neither are you.

Happiness is more than a single destination...

What is happiness? Like truly think about it for a minute. We will all have different answers. Some might be, “being financially stable”, others, “achieving all my academic goals”, for some it may even be, “having a family”, but all of these answers would be wrong.

Happiness isn’t a goal, it’s not quantifiable, and it’s more than anything you can think of. You don’t achieve happiness it’s not something you unlock when you reach a goal. It’s an emotion just like sadness and anger and hurt. You will never be truly happy as long as you base your happiness on achievements.

But you also need to remember being truly happy doesn’t mean that you are in a constant state of euphoria and happiness. It means that the bad days no longer become bad months.

You are human, you will hurt, things will happen that will make you sad, there will be days where it seems the world is against you. Don’t give up. Just because at that single moment in time you are struggling with whatever you struggle with it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.

Sit, breathe, open a window, get some fresh air into your system, think about all the things you can be grateful for, be content, happiness will follow.

xo

Wanderlust

I think the first thing that got me attracted to the idea of busy cities like new york/london is that i could lose myself in all the people but now i'm feeling like it's more than that like maybe i could actually find myself there

So I was lucky enough to spend 2 weeks over the Christmas holidays in New York City and had such a good time. Every aspect felt like a dream and I really had a lot of time to reflect while I was there. Currently having some issues with getting the photos off my phone too my mac but I am working on a couple of long posts about my time and thoughts there. I just wanted to share the above sentence that came about while having a heart to heart with Amy.

xoxo

Goals

So I’m very bad at making small sub-goals and generally aim for huge goals which I never get round to achieving because I don’t really know how to get there. So with the help of a couple of friends I now have 2 big goals with individual sub goals relating to each.

1       Med School

a.       Get at least a 2:1 in university (I’m really aiming for a first)

b.      Get up to 6 months work experience

c.       Work on GAMSAT/UKCAT

d.      Gain interview practice

2       Specialize in Psychiatry

a.       Make all dissertations psychology based

b.      Pass Med school

c.       Get onto Psych ward rotations for Junior years

d.      Make good impressions on Psych wards

e.      Gain Psych ward registrar qualifications

f.        Apply for a job on a Psych ward in the UK

g.       Apply for a transfer to US after 2 years’ experience

I need to keep reminding myself that this is a long term thing – 6 years+ at least I think – and it’s not going to happen overnight.  So this is my check list and as I achieve these things I’ll come back to this post and cross them out as a visual reminder of how far I’ve come.

(PS I will be writing and uploading another one of these sub-goal posts for the other direction I am thinking about going in, which is Law. I am still very conflicted on which route I want to take in the future. Having a solid set of goals for each option will possibly make the decision easier and mean there is less to think about when I finally do make a decision).